(Excerpted) =================================================================== [ --== TopFive.com Presents ==-- ] [ T H E D A I L Y P R O B E ] [ All the News THEY Don't Want You To Know About ] ------------------------------------------------------------------- [ Satire! Comedy! Legal Disclaimer! Satire! Comedy! ] =================================================================== Please attach the following line to any forwarded portions: [ Copyright 2000 by Chris White [email protected] ] July 28, 2000 =================================================================== [ DOMESTIC NEWS ] =================================================================== SOFTWARE TESTER ACTS LIKE HE INVENTED TERM "BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH" SAN MATEO, CA (DPI) -- Employees of Spectral Datamining Systems, a Silicon Valley start-up company, are becoming increasingly annoyed by software tester Wallace Spyvak, who not only overuses the computer term, "blue screen of death," but also acts as if he invented the phrase. The term applies to the cyan-colored screen that appears on a computer monitor when the Windows operating system experiences a fatal crash, but Spectral's Senior Engineer Huang Ho says Spyvak obsessively uses the phrase when reporting bug information to colleagues and often lingers after saying it "as if you're supposed to acknowledge how clever it is." "He'll tell your something like, 'I tried to load the software, and it gave me a BSOD. Do you know what that is? That's the Blue Screen of Death!!!' Then he just stands there, waiting for you give him a courtesy laugh," Ho said. Employees also blame the recent shift from casual dress code to business casual on Spyvak's tendency to wear his self-created "BSOD" T-shirt three days a week. - Reported by Curtis Matthews =================================================================== [ TECHNOLOGY ] =================================================================== TECHNO-GEEKS DECRY DECLINE OF MOUSE BALLS SEATTLE, WA (DPI) - While admitting that optical mice represent a superior technology, computer geeks worldwide are decrying the upcoming demise of the ubiquitous but outdated mechanical mouse. "Optical mice use reflected light to determine cursor location. Traditional mice use a mouse ball," stated industry analyst J. Albert Whiteside. "While there are potentially hours of fun to be had trying to blind coworkers with the weak red laser used in the new mice, the trade-off is a possible decline in the number of puerile giggles these pathetic juvenile losers get from the term 'mouse balls'." Seattle area System Administrator Robert Doyle commented, "Heh heh -- he said 'balls'." - Reported by Ishmael Alighieri [email protected] =================================================================== [ The Daily Probe is a Top5 publication ] [ Copyright 2000, Chris White ] [ --- --- --- --- ] [ Please forward this message only in its entirety. ] [ Radio and television programs, magazines and newspapers ] [ *must* receive permission before using this material. ] =================================================================== [ P R O B E I N F O ] [ -------------------- ] [ To kvetch at the editor: Send mail to [email protected] ] [ To kvell at the owner: Send mail to [email protected] ] [ --- --- --- --- --- --- ] [ Got a nasty itch to show off your wit and barbed tongue? ] [ Write for The Probe! Send mail to [email protected] ] =================================================================== TOP5 PRODUCTIONS The Home of Original Humor www.topfive.com ------------------------------------------------------------------- The Top 5 List (original lists) [email protected] Top5 Classic (greatest hits) [email protected] Mr. Monologue (topical humor) [email protected] Ruminations (odd thoughts) [email protected] The Daily Probe (news satire) [email protected] The Whack Report (real stories) [email protected] The Kid Report (kid stories) [email protected] =================================================================== [ T H E D A I L Y P R O B E ] =================================================================== --- Sponsor's Message -------------------------------------- TOO MUCH DEBT? Let this nonprofit help you lower your credit card interest charges and consolidate your payments without a loan. If you have $5000 in credit card debt, click here. http://click.topica.com/aaaas1clvXGaclwEjWc/Edebt ------------------------------------------------------------ ___________________________________________________________ T O P I C A The Email You Want. http://www.topica.com/t/16 Newsletters, Tips and Discussions on Your Favorite Topics