>
> God and Trees
>
> GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the
> world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the
> dandelions, violets, thistles and stuff I started eons ago? I
> had a
> perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any
> type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The
> nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey
> bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of
> colors by now, but all I see are these green rectangles.
>
> ST.FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord, the
> Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and
> went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with
> grass.
>
> GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't
> attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod
> worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these
> Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
>
> ST.FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
> and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing the
> grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the
> lawn.
>
> GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow
> really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
>
> ST.FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little,
> they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
>
> GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
>
> ST.FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
>
> GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
>
> ST.FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
>
> GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize the grass so it
> will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to
> throw it away?
>
> ST.FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
>
> GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we
> cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows
> the growth and saves them a lot of work.
>
> ST.FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass
> stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more
> money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to
> get rid of it.
>
> GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That
> was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees
> grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
> summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a
> natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the
> trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost
> to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
>
> ST.FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a
> new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into
> great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
>
> GOD: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
> the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
>
> ST.FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
> something which they call mulch. They haul it home and
> spread it around in place of the leaves.
>
> GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
>
> ST.FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
>
> GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St.
> Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you
> selected for us tonight?
>
> ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie about...
>
> GOD: Never mind. I think I just heard the whole story from
> St. Francis.
------- End of Forwarded Message
