Possibly this has been around already.
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PerPETual Motion Machine
An American magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit
new scientific theories on ANY subject.
This is the winner: (Subject: Perpetual Motion) "When a cat is dropped,
it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands
buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a
cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two
opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the
ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the
basis of a high-speed monorail system."
......... then the paper received word of an big improvement from one of
its British readers....
I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the
buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered
side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well
with crackers. So to save money I think you just miss out the toast and
butter the cats. Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects
of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger
affinity for carpet. Consider that the probability of carpet impact is
determined by the following simple formula:
P = S * (t[t] - t[c])^2
where P is the probability of carpet impact
S is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of
the effectiveness of the topping in permanently staining the carpet.
Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high S value, while the S
value of water is zero
t(c) and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping respectively -
the value of P being strongly related to the relationship between the
colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't
cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.
The Probability of Carpet Impact, P, is zero if the Stain Value S is
zero, and it is also zero if the tone colors of the carpet and topping
are the same.
So it is clear that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you
use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination
gives a P value of S, which is very high for chicken tikka masala and is
about the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet.
Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala plastered on its back will be
certain to hover in mid air. Contrastingly, there could be problems with
buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible
monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal
family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it
wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have
been more investment in cat-toast glue research.
Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also
public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be
replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala
floating above a rail made from white wool shag pile carpet
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