- Chuckles - mailman3.cels.anl.gov

Important Notice To All Amazon Customers
by Amazon Sec. Team messages-noreply＠amazon.com 04 Aug '17

04 Aug '17

*IMPORTANT NOTICE* Greetings from Amazon.com. As you may be aware on July 20th 2017, some of our customers accounts were compromised, resulting from data theft of 2,592 account records. This breach represents a small fraction of Amazon's total customer base, the overwhelming majority of which are held in a secure data centre. Although the issue is now fully resolved we ask all our customer to complete our account verification process. This will only take a few minutes and will ensure the safeguarding of your account information. Please use the link below to get started. *GET STARTED <http://162.144.72.132/~pivottra/option/amzon/account/>* Please Note: Failure to comply with our account verification process will lead to restrictions being placed on your account. Best regards, Amazon Customer Support Please sign in with your valid email and password for prompt verification. Amazon.com © 2017 Amazon.com

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Re: [CHUCKLES] Parking misadventure
by Hovland, Paul 27 Jul '16

27 Jul '16

And then there’s golf – “If any part of the ball touches the course the ball is in bounds” Paul ps: Taking this to chuckles and off of b240. From: <b240-bounces(a)lists.anl.gov> on behalf of "Stacey, Craig" <stace(a)anl.gov> Date: Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 11:31 AM To: "Martin, David E." <dem(a)alcf.anl.gov>, "b240(a)lists.anl.gov" <b240(a)lists.anl.gov> Subject: Re: Parking misadventure I’m more of a football guy. “SECTION 21 - OUT OF BOUNDS, INBOUNDS, AND INBOUNDS SPOT ARTICLE 1. PLAYER OR OFFICIAL OUT OF BOUNDS A player or an Official is Out of Bounds when he touches a boundary line, or when he touches anything that is on or outside a boundary line, except a player, an official, or a pylon.” -- Craig From: "David E. Martin" <dem(a)alcf.anl.gov> Organization: Argonne National Laboratory Date: Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 11:28 AM To: Craig Stacey <stace(a)anl.gov>, "b240(a)lists.anl.gov" <b240(a)lists.anl.gov> Subject: Re: Parking misadventure " If a ball touches a line, it is considered to be the same as hitting the space inside that line." http://officialtennisrules.com/ball-touches-a-line/ -David On 7/27/16 11:05 AM, Stacey, Craig wrote: I think the earth is tilted a bit more than normal today. That must be it. -- Craig (mobile) _______________________________________________ B240 mailing list B240(a)lists.anl.gov<mailto:[email protected]> https://lists.anl.gov/mailman/listinfo/b240

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traveling during the holidays.
by Gene Rackow 27 Dec '13

27 Dec '13

A little late for most holiday travel, but for those going through an airport, the TSA's 12 Banned Items list. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luNfghUnvFg --Gene

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Groupon spoofs Amazon's Drones
by Paul Hovland 11 Dec '13

11 Dec '13

As much as we all love Amazon and drone delivery, I thought some of you might get a chuckle out of a local company's spoof video... http://mashable.com/2013/12/10/groupon-catapults/?r=8887J9216367G9S

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Fwd: [LANS performance] Peer review
by Paul Hovland 10 Jul '13

10 Jul '13

Begin forwarded message: > Related to our discussion this morning, enjoy. :) http://fundermental.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/peer-review-changing-lightbulb.h… > > Boyana > -- > Boyana Norris, Computer Scientist > http://www.mcs.anl.gov/~norris >

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latte art
by Ray Loy 22 May '13

22 May '13

Behold, the Mocha Cattaccino: http://imgur.com/gallery/gbGWT0b Ray

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If Carpenters Were Hired Like Programmers
by Ray Loy 18 Jan '13

18 Jan '13

http://www.jasonbock.net/jb/Default.aspx?blog=entry.7c334037d1a9437d9fa6506… If Carpenters Were Hired Like Programmers Interviewer: So, you're a carpenter, are you? Carpenter: That's right, that's what I do. Interviewer: How long have you been doing it? Carpenter: Ten years. Interviewer: Great, that's good. Now, I have a few technical questions to ask you to see if you're a fit for our team. OK? Carpenter: Sure, that'd be fine. Interviewer: First of all, we're working in a subdivision building a lot of brown houses. Have you built a lot of brown houses before? Carpenter: Well, I'm a carpenter, so I build houses, and people pretty much paint them the way they want. Interviewer: Yes, I understand that, but can you give me an idea of how much experience you have with brown? Roughly. Carpenter: Gosh, I really don't know. Once they're built I don't care what color they get painted. Maybe six months? Interviewer: Six months? Well, we were looking for someone with a lot more brown experience, but let me ask you some more questions. Carpenter: Well, OK, but paint is paint, you know. Interviewer: Yes, well. What about walnut? Carpenter: What about it? Interviewer: Have you worked much with walnut? Carpenter: Sure, walnut, pine, oak, mahogony -- you name it. Interviewer: But how many years of walnut do you have? Carpenter: Gosh, I really don't know -- was I supposed to be counting the walnut? Interviewer: Well, estimate for me. Carpenter: OK, I'd say I have a year and a half of walnut. Interviewer: Would you say you're an entry level walnut guy or a walnut guru? Carpenter: A walnut guru? What's a walnut guru? Sure, I've used walnut. Interviewer: But you're not a walnut guru? Carpenter: Well, I'm a carpenter, so I've worked with all kinds of wood, you know, and there are some differences, but I think if you're a good carpenter... Interviewer: Yes, yes, but we're using Walnut, is that OK? Carpenter: Walnut is fine! Whatever you want. I'm a carpenter. Interviewer: What about black walnut? Carpenter: What about it? Interviewer: Well we've had some walnut carpenters in here, but come to find out they weren't black walnut carpenters. Do you have black walnut experience? Carpenter: Sure, a little. It'd be good to have more for my resume, I suppose. Interviewer: OK. Hang on let me check off the box... Carpenter: Go right ahead. Interviewer: OK, one more thing for today. We're using Rock 5.1 to bang nails with. Have you used Rock 5.1? Carpenter: [Turning white...] Well, I know a lot of carpenters are starting to use rocks to bang nails with since Crafts- man bought a quarry, but you know, to be honest I've had more luck with my nailgun. Or a hammer, for that matter. I find I hit my fingers too much with the rock, and my other hand hurts because the rock is so big. Interviewer: But other companies are using rocks. Are you saying rocks don't work? Carpenter: No, I'm not saying rocks don't work, exactly, it's just that I think nail guns work better. Interviewer: Well, our architects have all started using rocks, and they like it. Carpenter: Well, sure they do, but I bang nails all day, and -- well, look, I need the work, so I'm definitely willing to use rocks if you want. I try to keep an open mind. Interviewer: OK, well we have a few other candidates we're looking at, so we'll let you know. Carpenter: Well, thanks for your time. I enjoyed meeting you. NEXT DAY [ring...] Interviewer: Hello? Carpenter: Hello. Remember me, I'm the carpenter you interviewed for the black walnut job. Just wanted to touch base to see if you've made a decision. Interviewer: Actually, we have. We liked your experience overall, but we decided to go with someone who has done a lot of work with brown. Carpenter: Really, is that it? So I lost the job because I didn't have enough brown? Interviewer: Well, it was partly that, but partly we got the other fellow a lot cheaper. Carpenter: Really -- how much experience does he have? Interviewer: Well, he's not really a carpenter, he's a car salesman -- but he's sold a lot of brown cars and he's worked with walnut interiors. Carpenter: [click]

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commercial break
by rackow＠mcs.anl.gov 15 Jun '12

15 Jun '12

Making the rounds... Not sure the original author. You've probably seen the commercials for DirecTV. Don't sell your hair to a wig shop. Don't attend your own funeral. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcYWvvv75dM Is it time for the AV vendors to do one too? When you use Windows, hackers target your machines. When hackers target your machine, you get compromised and become part of a botnet When you become part of a botnet, your machine attacks Iranian nuclear facilities Don't let Windows attack nuclear facilities switch to ______________ (Norton, McAfee, ClamAV, ...) --Gene

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Neutrinos
by Ray Loy 25 Oct '11

25 Oct '11

“We don’t serve faster-than-light neutrinos here,” said the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar. ba-dum-da! http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/25/science/25neutrinos.html

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Fwd: Registration at SC10 is available on Saturday
by Mark Hereld 10 Nov '10

10 Nov '10

cc: Fields, Alyshia N. !!! (Elysian Fields?) Begin forwarded message: > From: "Kendall, Ricky A." <kendallra(a)ornl.gov> > Date: November 9, 2010 5:16:28 PM CST > To: "hereld(a)mcs.anl.gov" <hereld(a)mcs.anl.gov> > Cc: "Fields, Alyshia N." <fieldsan(a)ornl.gov> > Subject: Registration at SC10 is available on Saturday > > > > Dear Mark Hereld, > > Thank you for participating in either a Tutorial or Workshop event at SC10. We appreciate your interest and involvement in the premier supercomputing conference. The Tutorial and Workshop events start on Sunday and continue through Monday. Sunday morning is a very busy time for registration. We have staggered the morning start times of the Tutorials (8:30am) and Workshops (9:00am). This relieves some of the pressure on registration. If you are arriving on Saturday, November 13th, please take the opportunity to register at the convention center between the hours 1:00pm and 6:00pm. This will help make the registration process go as smoothly as possible for everyone attending. Thank you for your time. > > Regards, > Ricky A. Kendall > SC10 Technical Program Chair > > > ------------------------------------------------------- Mark Hereld <hereld(a)mcs.anl.gov> Senior Fellow - Computation Institute Argonne National Laboratory The University of Chicago

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